🚨 THE 47 PLAN: TRUMP’S SECRET MOBILE PLOT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! 📱🌎
- Bryan Stelter
- Jun 16
- 2 min read
Oh no. Sound the MSM alarm bells. The walls are closing in. Democracy is dying in darkness again. Donald J. Trump has launched something new and terrifying… a mobile phone service. That’s right, folks, “Trump Mobile” is here, and it’s not just a cell service—IT’S A COUP.
At least, that’s what the soy-latte sipping degenerates at CNN would have you believe.
They cracked the code, didn’t they? The name of the plan? “The 47 Plan.” Gasp. Not a wireless package—oh no—clearly a diabolical plot to become the 47th President and install a God-tier MAGA dictatorship with unlimited data and roadside assistance. You know, for fascism on the go.
Poor Caitlin Collins. She sat in the Situation Room late into the night, whispering, “It’s the 47 plan… it’s happening.” Meanwhile, Trump just wanted to offer Americans a cheaper phone bill and telehealth access without funneling it through some NSA-adjacent Pfizer-Google pipeline.
This was it. Proof that Trump was selling burner phones for Putin, encrypted TikToks for Xi Jinping, and FaceTime consultations with Hunter’s transgender Ukrainian sister-oligarch. Rachel Maddow cried into her tofu. Joy Reid wrote a poem. The Lincoln Project popped champagne, thinking they'd finally exposed the Orange Menace.
And then—oops. Turns out, it’s just a wireless plan.
Yes, a glorified MVNO with American-made phones, U.S.-based customer service, and perks like telemedicine, global texting, and car support. It's more patriotic than a bald eagle riding a Harley into a Fourth of July barbecue.
But never fear, liberal pundits. You almost had him this time. You were so close. All that screaming about democracy’s downfall and it was... a phone. Just a phone. With a plan.
The “47 Plan” is Trump bringing capitalism, convenience, and common sense back to tech—while CNN cries that the Constitution is burning in a dumpster behind a Verizon store.
So here's your PSA, straight from the Real America: Caitlin, you're still retarded. Anderson Cooper, go cry into your CIA-sponsored sippy cup. This was a phone plan. The only thing it’s overthrowing is AT&T's customer service.
Stay based. Stay connected. Stay hilarious. 🇺🇸📱🤣
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